I'm Not Sick But I'm Not Well

So I woke up this morning to drive down to work and saw my car door slightly ajar. I thought, "Great, I'm a freakin' moron who can't even close his door properly." Nope I'm not that kind of moron. I'm the kind of moron that leaves his car unlocked, thinking "I'll be back out here in a few hours and if its raining I don't want to deal with locks."

Well it did rain, but that didn't deter someone from breaking into my car and making off with my iPod, iPod car charger/FM transmitter, and my GPS. Thank God they didn't take my collection of empty soda cans and shitty CDs.

So this is obviously my fault, there's really no two ways around that and I'm kicking myself over it. Its not that any of the stuff that was taken is irreplaceable, I could get it all back with a trip to Best Buy. I've never had anything stolen from me before, at least not blatantly. I could argue a lot of theft from my college, or emotionally from ex-girlfriends... but that would be petty theft since I'm pretty morally and emotionally bankrupt. I'm not excited about losing $500 worth of stuff, and re-upping to a new iPod will be a pain in the ass (and you're out of your mind if you think I'm springing for an iPod Touch).

But this just confirms two things about myself and about life:

1. I can't have nice things. Everything nice I've ever had I've either lost (nice pen I got for Christmas), broken (my car) or had stolen (iPod, GPS). I've never had a decent pair of sunglasses and the only really nice thing I own now is my laptop. My new one. The old one broke. As did its external hard-drive. This is all depressing as fuck, because while I'm a simple man (both of intelligence and lifestyle), I enjoy having nice things. Yeah, now if I get lost I'll have to bumblefuck my away around until I find a landmark I recognize and blow through expensive gas. That sucks, and in the wrong neighborhood its potentially life-threatening, but its not mission critical. When my brother took the iPod charger/transmitter to school I didn't have it in my car, so its not like I needed my iPod or my charger, but it was nice to have.

I drove down to CT this morning listening to the radio and all the morning personalities are on vacation this week. Even the no name dudes on some Worcester rock station. So I didn't have any familiar voices, and when I hit I-84 when I switch over to my iPod, I just got static and I was sad. Legitimately sad. Sandy (my car) tried to cheer me up by making the blinkers work for a change, and for putting "Semi-Charmed Life" on one of the stations, but I'm still in a funk over this. Its making me rethink the whole Mustang thing. I talked with Pops about it briefly on Sunday, and while he understood my desire for the car he also said "you don't take care of things." Which - haha - turned out to be a pretty apt prediction.

So now I'm down on myself, down on life, out $500 worth of nice things I really liked, and...

2. What little lingering faith I had in society is officially gone. Yeah, I'm a cynic. Yeah, I'm a pessimist. Yeah, I'm an asshole and though that last one has nothing to do with this, it doesn't make it not true. Point is, for as much of a heartless prick as I am/can be... I'm also a geniunely nice dude. Sometimes. Maybe. Fact is deep down, I actually kind of like people. Not all people, and not all the time. When I'm in traffic, for example, everyone and their mother can rot in hell. But most of the time, I'm a fairly happy-go-lucky kind of guy and - despite the smell - I like to think I'm pleasent to be around. Now, I just don't know. I feel a little violated and little sick. And yeah, its really my fault and nobody else's but then again its also this thief's fault and I hope he/she/it gets cancer of the AIDS of the leukemia of the genitals.

Sorry. Don't mind me, I'm just upset about this. Doesn't help the Sox got swept by the Devil Rays and the Yankees or that I'm in CT right now. On the plus side, its supposed to be 80 degrees and sunny on my birthday...

And now I've got some things to add to my birthday wish list...

Bummed,
{VM}